More on motherhood

I told The Boy, I feel like motherhood keeps pulling me back and forth from the edge of a cliff. You really feel some days, and especially nights, that you can’t take it anymore and you really don’t know what comes next. It’s scary. But then it’s better, even if it’s just an extra 30 minutes of sleep or a smile or something, it’s enough where you can keep going. Now, I’m starting to enjoy it. I’m a little worried about going back to work and using a sitter for a few hours and then Daddy for the rest of the night, but I’m sure it will all work itself out.

It’s getting better folks, slowly but surely. I mean, there are definitely ups and downs but I feel like we might be moving forward. There are a lot of reasons. Today is his 2 month birthday (Happy Birthday, Sweet Samuel!) and we’re moving toward the blesses 3 month mark where everyone says things start to turn around. He’s been on his meds for a few weeks so we’re seeing the maximum benefit currently. Probably the hardest, but also most effective has been the elimination of EVERYTHING from my diet. I am a hard-core breastfeeder. It’s not for the warm fuzzy reasons so much, although there are sweet times to be had. Mostly, it’s because it is so so good for my baby–so much better for eyes and brains than formula. I worked so hard to have this baby, keep this baby, and protect this baby, so I sure as hell am going to do my best to feed him. Turns out he probably has a protein sensitivity. For most it means no dairy for the breastfeeding mom. For me, no dairy, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, or corn for the most part. As he gets older, I’ll try to add in more, but for now my diet is fairly limited. Soy is in everything! But since I’ve changed my diet and added probiotics he’s been so much better. He’s still needy, but I think we’ve beaten colic.

If you’re wondering, especially after the Mother’s day post, how it went, it was pretty bad. My in-laws were in town. I’m really lucky to have a good relationship with them, but they aren’t much for such holidays. I ended up cooking them dinner (MIL was not impressed by this, but did make a big deal over The Boy cleaning the dishes) and watching what they wanted on TV and taking Little Boy when he was fussy and giving him up when he was happy….oh and no Hanes Underwear. That was sad It was a fine day, just not a good first Mother’s Day. I wanted some acknowledgement that I was giving motherhood my all and for someone to tell me I had done well…and maybe something to make me feel pretty. No dice. I mean, it’s not a really big deal. It’s just a greeting card holiday anyway, but somehow, it kind of stung.

But life goes on, and its going well. Little Boy smiles and coos and yells when he’s angry. Both my Boys are getting to know each other better and it’s sweet. When I couldn’t get pregnant, the worst part was wondering if I’d ever see my husband as a daddy. I think that was harder than worrying about being a mother. Seeing it now, especially now that the baby does more than scream at my husband, is better than I’d hoped.

Well, I’m going to go eat some vegan chocolate cake and “buttery spread” on preservative free bread I’ll leave you with pictures.